Warning!!! Extreme Grossness to Follow!

Lately we’ve had some tiny unwelcome visitors. No, our Chihuahua hasn’t invited her extended family to stay.

I’m talking fruit flies–ewww!

They seem more active at night. When I approach the kitchen sink a flock (herd? school? murder?) of these little vermin spring to action like a black blizzard.

Because I think I’m smarter than the average fruit fly, I figured I could just exterminate them by clapping my hands briskly on them as they travel through my airspace.

Well, I may be smarter than the average fruit fly, but I also have something they don’t–floaters.

For anyone unfamiliar with this wonderful peculiarity: bits of the slime inside my eyeballs have clumped together and they float through my field of vision. (Surprisingly, this is not the extreme grossness promised.) Little black dots or squiggles appear randomly. The first time I noticed one, I rushed off to the Emergency Room, certain something very bad was going on inside my head. The ER doctor shared my concern and summoned the on-call ophthalmologist who diagnosed floaters. Imagine your brain has a cursor and you’ll get an idea what it’s like.

These floaters haven’t been a handicap in the past, but I learned they impede my ability to hunt fruit flies. In the heat of the moment, I can’t differentiate a fly from a black speck that only I can see. It’s frustrating for me, but more than a little amusing for my sailor and our boy who sit and watch me dancing around the kitchen, clapping randomly in the air.

In an effort to assert my superiority over the humble fruit fly once and for all, I went to the one place they can’t access–the internet. I learned how to assemble and bait a fruit fly trap. (Cue extreme grossness!)

Get a cup and pour in some apple cider vinegar (the bait.) Snip the corner off a sandwich bag and put it over the cup, pushing the corner with the hole down towards the vinegar, making a one-way funnel for the greedy fruit flies.

This worked–better than I could have hoped. I caught lots of fruit flies (shudder!)

There was a disgusting downside to the fruit fly cull: I had no idea we had so many fruit flies. Ewww!