I have difficult hair.
On a good day it falls into charming curls and waves, rippling over my shoulders like a lady pirate’s mane.
Okay–it never really looks like that. It’s actually an unruly mess of frizz that looks like it belongs in an exhibit at the Museum of Natural History.
Since my hair is an ongoing concern, I was quite excited when I learned how to pineapple online. (Yes, you read that right–we’ve entered a brave new world where pineapple can be used a verb! How cool is that?)
Pineappling involves gathering one’s curly hair atop one’s head in order to wrap it securely in a silky scarf. This is done at bedtime to protect one’s delicate curls through the night.
If I pineappled regularly, the internet promised, I would awake each morning with bouncy, well-defined curls bursting with volume and loveliness.
What curly-haired woman in her right mind could resist claims like this?
Sadly, when combined with my plush onesie, the only pineappling effect I noticed was that any chance of romance with my sailor was no longer an option.