I thought I’d found the perfect opportunity when I heard of O, a friend of a friend, who recently bought a Christmas tree farm. She’s hiring Christmas tree pruners.
I enjoy visiting farms (especially if they have on site wineries!) and I love Christmas. Could there be a better fit for an uncoordinated striking teacher with little wilderness experience?
I called O, introduced myself and volunteered for duty.
“It’s hard work,” she warned.
“Not a problem,” I gushed.
“Would you like to use clippers or a sword?”
“Could you repeat that?”
“Clippers or a sword?” she asked. “Since you’re new to Christmas tree pruning, you might want to start with clippers. The swords are harder to control.”
Have I mentioned I’m one of the least coordinated people I know?
“Put me down for clippers.”
“What about a dog?” she asked.
“What about a dog?” If there’ll be dogs around, it’s a good thing I won’t be swinging a sword through the trees.
“If you have one, you might want to bring him,” she said. “For the bears.”
“I don’t think my dog would be good for the bears.”
“Not a problem. You’ll just have to be extra-vigilant since you don’t have a dog to scare them away.”
Is it too late to change my mind and choose the sword?