Warning!!! Extreme Grossness to Follow!

Lately we’ve had some tiny unwelcome visitors. No, our Chihuahua hasn’t invited her extended family to stay.

I’m talking fruit flies–ewww!

They seem more active at night. When I approach the kitchen sink a flock (herd? school? murder?) of these little vermin spring to action like a black blizzard.

Because I think I’m smarter than the average fruit fly, I figured I could just exterminate them by clapping my hands briskly on them as they travel through my airspace.

Well, I may be smarter than the average fruit fly, but I also have something they don’t–floaters.

For anyone unfamiliar with this wonderful peculiarity: bits of the slime inside my eyeballs have clumped together and they float through my field of vision. (Surprisingly, this is not the extreme grossness promised.) Little black dots or squiggles appear randomly. The first time I noticed one, I rushed off to the Emergency Room, certain something very bad was going on inside my head. The ER doctor shared my concern and summoned the on-call ophthalmologist who diagnosed floaters. Imagine your brain has a cursor and you’ll get an idea what it’s like.

These floaters haven’t been a handicap in the past, but I learned they impede my ability to hunt fruit flies. In the heat of the moment, I can’t differentiate a fly from a black speck that only I can see. It’s frustrating for me, but more than a little amusing for my sailor and our boy who sit and watch me dancing around the kitchen, clapping randomly in the air.

In an effort to assert my superiority over the humble fruit fly once and for all, I went to the one place they can’t access–the internet. I learned how to assemble and bait a fruit fly trap. (Cue extreme grossness!)

Get a cup and pour in some apple cider vinegar (the bait.) Snip the corner off a sandwich bag and put it over the cup, pushing the corner with the hole down towards the vinegar, making a one-way funnel for the greedy fruit flies.

This worked–better than I could have hoped. I caught lots of fruit flies (shudder!)

There was a disgusting downside to the fruit fly cull: I had no idea we had so many fruit flies. Ewww!

16 thoughts on “Warning!!! Extreme Grossness to Follow!

  1. Ahoy again!

    Ahem, you can imagine my surprise when I read your post through, blinked, scrolled up and realized I had misread the title as: “Warning: Extreme Goodness to Follow”


    Despite the rather disturbing nature of this story, the humour was divine. Well-written piece. Sad to hear of this peculiar fluttering barrage. I must say…imagining you attempting to kill the black specks that only you can see in your eye, along with the real culprits, clapping all through the kitchen, with family onlookers observing most animatedly, was quite a scene to picture!! We have had a small amount of trouble with them on occasion. Luckily I have always discovered the source before it becomes a full invasion! Glad you found a more resourceful way of trapping them. Hope you discover where they bred!

    Too many grins to count,

    Autumn Jade (smiling toad)

    • P.S.

      I am really out of it or something this morning, as I just looked at your photo again, realizing OH IT’S THE TRAP. Do you know what I magically saw before? A delicate little cup of morning cappuccino. I’ve just returned from the sea…sharks were surfing right up onto the beach, which made me excessively giddy…perhaps this explains it…the “shark high” hasn’t worn off.

      • Har har haw. Yes I was expecting the entry to entail some divine-coffee-involved extravaganza.

        Oh yes, they return back to sea very adeptly- they only do this as low tide is rolling out, and it must also be stormy. I promised them I would come at Dawn today- I didn’t expect that, not only would they show up, but they would swim right into my lap! It was heaven. They were darling bull sharks. So cute!

      • How amazing to see sharks up close like that! I’m so glad to hear they get themselves back home after visiting the beach.

        Oh dear–now the idea has been introduced, I want a yummy cappuccino or other frothy concoction! I might have to take myself to Starbucks later. 🙂

      • Yes! One time a shark did manage to beach himself, but he was quickly saved by beach-goers. The carried him back out and let him go, swiftly.

        Ah yes…time to go out for a nice coffee. A capital idea that I am always highly advising. Perhaps an adventure will ensue. I look forward to reading about it 😉

    • Extreme goodness would NOT describe one woman’s war against fruit flies so I can see why you were a little puzzled.

      I never discovered the source, but I must have wiped out the entire colony because they’re gone now–so there is a little goodness to this situation after all!

      Thank you for the lovely comment!

  2. Yuk! With your floaters, just be careful not to accidentally put your head into the trap! I shall try your trap this summer. In the past, when I got desperate, I’d suck them up in the vacuum cleaner. Same for mosquitos!

    • No chance of accidentally putting my head in the trap, especially once it filled with fruit flies. I didn’t want to go near it . It was really gross. (I wasn’t joking in my post title!)

      I’ve used the vacuum cleaner for spiders, but never thought of it for flying pests. That’s a good idea and less trouble than making a trap.

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