Bad News :(

They say all good things must come to an end, and it’s true.

I bought a new vacuum cleaner tonight.

It was time.

The area rug is luxuriant with a thick layer of Chihuahua hair. Ritz cracker crumbs add an unexpected crunchy texture to the trip from chesterfield to fridge. The dust bunnies are big enough to take out the Easter Bunny. And the cobwebs! They’re thick as Tarzan’s vines and they festoon every corner. (What are cobwebs, exactly?)

My sailor interrupted the dog rolling on the carpet, grinding some ancient Milk Bone crumbs into its woof and its weave.

“I think she’s happy the house finally smells like her.”

“Well, it’s her home, too,” I said, hoping to postpone the inevitable.

“I’ll stop at Walmart after work tomorrow and get a new vacuum.”

Sigh. “I’ll do it.”

I’ve never gone this long without vacuuming. (Please don’t do the math and figure out exactly how long it’s been.) My sailor, raised by a fastidious ER nurse and a retired Army Sergeant, has never gone half this long without vacuuming.

I’ve enjoyed being liberated from a machine that literally sucks, but all good things must come to an end.

Tonight I bought a new vacuum cleaner and tomorrow I’ll vacuum . . . or the next day.

3 Deep Dark Sailor Secrets Revealed!

People tell me I’m fortunate to be married to my sailor. “He’s such a kind, caring husband,” they say. “You’re so lucky to have him!”

It’s nice that they appreciate his positive qualities, but no one ever tells him he’s lucky to have me.

I think it’s time to reveal some sailor secrets. Sure, he’s a pretty good husband, but he’s far from perfect. In fact there have been a number of recent sailor-related disappointments.

Here are they are in no particular order:

1. Since he moans about my movie selections (the last one I dragged him to was Saving Mr. Banks) I found a manly adventure with a thrilling nautical theme–Sharknado! Is it a weather-related disaster story or a terrifying shark tale? It’s both! It’s way outside my comfort zone, but I wanted to share a cinematic experience with my sailor. Sadly even the high action of Sharknado wasn’t enough to keep me awake once we snuggled up to watch it. I fell asleep soon after the hero repelled over the side of a bridge to rescue a school bus full of stranded teenagers terrorized by sharks swimming along the freeway. The next day when I suggested we watch it again so I could see the ending, my sailor refused. I won’t repeat his review, but if I want to find out how Sharknado ends (and who wouldn’t?) I’m on my own.

2. He won’t attend a local charity event with me. It’s for charity. It’s quality time we could spend together. What’s not to like? Apparently, plenty. He grimaced when I suggested it, but I almost had him when I mentioned there’d be cake and coffee.

“But I’ll probably be the only guy there…”

“I think there’ll be a few male models.”

“It’s a men’s fashion show?”

“Not exactly. It’s wedding fashions from the 1920’s to the 1960’s!”

I lost him there.

3. The turkey issue remains unresolved. I grew up with certain expectations, namely three turkeys a year–Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. His family culture doesn’t include an Easter turkey so he won’t cook one despite my considerable nagging. Our Easter tradition includes brunch at the Wardroom. It’s a lovely event, but nothing says Easter to me like a loved one spending a day in the kitchen roasting me a turkey.

Am I lucky to have my sailor? I suppose, but he’s pretty lucky to have me, too.