At 4:18 AM . . .

At 4:18 AM . .

I make a mug of Sleepy Time tea–very mellow and soothing, but I doubt it actually helps me sleep.

I empty the dishwasher while the kettle’s boiling. It’s one less thing I’ll have to do in the morning and I’ll likely be slow and groggy when the alarm rings in a few hours.

I check my email–ooh, Banana Republic is offering an additional 40% off to their preferred customers and Bay Days (the best deals of the season!) will start soon. Is it any wonder I shop too much?

I go back to bed even though I’m more alert than I’ve been in weeks and attempt to read.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve had an unshakeable aura of doom and gloom about me. D says it’s because season 4 of The Walking Dead recently started and I’m immersed in the zombie culture. I think it’s more than that.

I’m worried and imagining worst case scenarios. They play over and over in my mind.

I read “The Secret” when it first came out. Basically the secret is that if you expect good things to come your way, the Universe co-operates and sends them. If you can help the Universe by displaying images of desired objects, so much the better. The Universe needs guidance.

You might think this is nonsense, but I have proof it works.

I downloaded a faux cheque from “The Secret” website and made it out to myself for $1,000,000. I put that pretty pink cheque above my desk and looked at it every day, willing the Universe to send one just like it. Sure enough about a week later, the Universe came through. I received a fake $1,000,000 cheque from Reader’s Digest. It was even the same shade of pink as the fake cheque in my office! (Not only does the Universe need guidance, it is apparently unfortunately literal.)

The only downside to “The Secret” was learning that the Universe also responds to negativity. That’s right–if you anticipate bad news you’re likely to draw it your way. The Universe is like that.

For a worrier, this is hardly reassuring. It’s one more thing to think about at 4:18 AM.